DANGEROUS MYTHS OF TRADITIONAL PARENTING
THE NUMBER ONE MYTH UPON WHICH ALL THE OTHER DANGEROUS MYTHS ARE BASED:
HUMAN BEINGS ARE BORN EVIL.
Arising out of ignorance and superstition, this myth has been at the root of most of society's problems for centuries. Modern brain imaging proves this ancient belief to be wrong and totally unfounded in facts about human behavior.
OTHER MYTHS FOLLOWED FROM THIS BELIEF.
A PARENT'S JOB IS TO CONTROL THE CHILD.
We now know children become self-disciplined at a very early age when they are given enough loving non-punitive support, guidance and attention to their needs.
PARENTAL CONTROL SHOULD BE ENFORCED THROUGH A SYSTEM OF PUNISHMENTS. BETTER KNOWN AS SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD.
Extensive research shows punishments to be temporary in effectiveness. if at all, and damaging to the critical attachment between parent and child. Punishments interfere with the development of self-control and self-discipline. Punishments build fear, anger, rage and aggression. Recent research shows stress from punishments, fear of parental disapproval and loss of Attachment to be a root cause of life-long health problems.*
REWARDING OR PRAISING DESIRED BEHAVIOR BRINGS POSITIVE RESULTS.
Rewards and praise erode intrinsic motivation and natural cooperation. Whatever reward system a parent may employ loses effectiveness over time if it was ever useful to begin with. Praise draws a child's attention away from his satisfying feelings of personal accomplishment to become concerned with a parent's evaluations and approval.
THE TERRIBLE TWOS IS A NORMAL STAGE OF DEVELOPMENT.
Difficulties with toddlers are the result of authoritarian attitudes and tactics. A toddler is happy and cooperative when approached with loving teaching in place of adult coercion and control.
TEEN REBELLION IS INEVITABLE.
Without the usual punishment/reward scenario and with parents who work with a child instead of against, a teenager will feel no need to rebel in order to gain individuation and personal independence.
GANGS AND JUVENILE DELINQUENCY EXIST BECAUSE CHILDREN HAVE NOT BEEN PUNISHED ENOUGH.
Troubled children are the result of abuse and neglect in various forms and to various degrees. Some of this abuse is not understood as such by the perpetrators who, following traditional teachings, have used punishments in an attempt to control a child and instead have created an angry, destructive individual out of what once was a loving innocent baby.** Gangs are made up of children suffering from lack of an Attachment bond with a significant adult. Flailing about with no emotional compass, they are drawn to other children as rage-filled and hungry for Attachment as they, themselves.***
IT IS A PARENT'S RESPONSIBILITY TO POINT OUT A CHILD'S FAULTS.
Telling a child what is wrong with him will not prompt him to change. Negative criticism makes people defensive and angry at being judged. Change can only come from within the child, fueled by his own volition and supported by caring adults.
* Documented in the book,SCARED SICK by
Robin-Karr Morse and Meredith S. Wiley 2012 Basic Books
**Read GHOSTS FROM THE NURSERY Tracing The Roots Of Violence
By Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley 1997 Atlantic Monthly Press
*** HIGH RISK
Children Without A Conscience
By Dr, Ken Magid and Carole McKelvey 1987 Bantum Books